The Art of Love

Casual dating

noreply@blogger.com (A.Hart) — Mon, 28 Dec 2009 03:00:00 +0000

Casual dating
Casual dating period is a beginning with the second planned meeting or date and ending when both partners experience themselves as being “serious” or in love.

There are two different kinds of causal dating, which are most likely to be distinguished by the time period in which they occur.

First, during adolescent exploration, young people experiment with romantic involvements. They may “spend time” or “mess a around,” but often end relationship suddenly because they feel awkward or just get tired of being in a relationship and want to try something or someone else.

Adolescent couples are beginning to learn about love, and the main way of distinguishing between casual and serious dating is the length of the relationship.

On the other hand, in college causal dating, cultural norms encourage both sexes to put off seeking a marriage partner until they have finished their studies and gotten established in their career.

Many strident also have not recovered enough emotionally from the breakup of a long term relationship during and after high school to be comfortable with a serious involvement during the early years of college.

Though they may not hold back from sex, and they may allow themselves to explore and experiment with passion and intimacy, they believe in avoiding commitments.

Adolescent exploration occurs widely in Europe and may other places, but casual dating or “going out as friends” in college is prevalent only in North America.
Casual dating

Affairs of the Heart

noreply@blogger.com (A.Hart) — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 11:08:00 +0000

Affairs of the Heart
Romantic love is often dramatic and overwhelming.

Although falling in love can feel as warm and comfortable as putting on a favorite sweater, it also can send you on a personal roller coaster ride.

Your heart the organ primarily responsible for pumping blood through your body, also measure these emotional fluctuations.

It takes your emotional temperature and registers when something extraordinary is happening by quickening its beats.

So it’s certainly no surprise that when something as exciting as falling in love occurs your heart responds.

Although the heart is a popular symbol of love, studies show that the brain responds most intensively to love, sending the first physical messages through a series of chemical releases.

Those first moments of elation, followed by infatuation are brought about when a portion of the brain releases natural amphetamines.

These amphetamines stimulate, or quicken, your heartbeat.

After spending time with the object of your desire that initial rush will subside and your brain will release neurochemicals known as endorphins.

These neurochemicals reduce sensation s of pain and affect emotions.

They help you feel safe and at peace in the company of your beloved.
Affairs of the Heart

One Night Stand

noreply@blogger.com (A.Hart) — Sun, 11 Oct 2009 00:39:00 +0000

One Night Stand
The process that occurs in first encounter sex is fairly simple, at least as culturally defined in a bar.

By showing up alone or with only friends, a woman signals that she may be open to new contacts, and these might possibly include sex.

Normally, enough alcohol is consumed so that stranger-anxiety is anesthetized away and conversation is more playful that intimate.

The right “moves” are blatant to avoid embarrassing or potentially dangerous misinterpretation. If both people keep saying yes, they may end up in bed together.

Some people, such as those in the military and workaholics, may be starved for contact, affection and sex because they lack time and a few potential partners are available.

Others may be unwilling to get more involved than one night affairs because of the pain of a recent relationship breakup, fear of intimacy, or fear of the type of men or women to whom they are attracted.

Or they may want to revive their belief in themselves as an attractive person.

Sometimes the motives of enhancing self-esteem with peer group outweigh all the others. For some men daring the pick-up game with friends and beer, masculine history seems to be at stake.
One Night Stand

Sexual Love

noreply@blogger.com (A.Hart) — Wed, 16 Sep 2009 20:28:00 +0000

Sexual Love
Pure sexuality is a generic determined phenomenon billions of years old and is shared by many creatures, who are much older than us in the evolutionary sense and to whom we do not tend to apply the talent of love.

When a male lizard mates with a female, we view it as a sexual act, not one of love. But natural selection, in its own way, grooms this start over the generations to higher and higher complexities, to better and better perfection, and adds increasingly more mechanisms to initial sexuality, which turn the sexual process onto something more precise, fine tuned and thus more successful.

Love is the tool that assists us to correctly select a mate, to calibrate and gently adjust the process of sexual selection.

Sexual love is an evolutionary-designed tool that guides our selection of a mate. How does it do it? The judgment process involved in whom one falls in love with is based on a large number of criteria.

The first is the mechanism that guides us to fall in love with a person who is genetically similar to ourselves.

The second, on the contrary, is the mechanism that distances us from those who are genetically too similar to ourselves.

How does genetic similarity contribute lot our success in reproducing offspring? Let’s imagine somebody falling in love with a cow. They might make a very nice couple, experiencing lots peace and quite, warmth and harmony.

They would never quarrel and their refrigerator would always be full of diary products. But they would no doubt lack one thing – children.

However, children are not final end; they are but no means. The final end is grandchildren, and this is where difficult problems will arise.

It is, therefore, better for a man to fall in love with a woman, and of all women he will select the one most similar to himself, even within the same town and the same community.

An ever lengthening list of studies has found advantages in mates with great similarities. For instances, the higher the genetic similarity is, the higher fertility rates will be.

Fewer abortions and healthier children will follow.

In addition, the levels of altruism and mutual assistance within the family are higher, harmony and stability in the couple’s life are better, and their marriage satisfaction is greater.
Sexual Love

The Two Factor Theory of Love

noreply@blogger.com (A.Hart) — Wed, 02 Sep 2009 02:04:00 +0000

The Two Factor Theory of Love
A terrified person is potentially a person in love, as is an angry person, a jealous person, a rejected person, and a happy person.

Actually, every person who experiences the physiological arousal that accompanies strong emotions is potentially a person in love.

A woman who meets a man after the excitement of winning a great promotion in her work is more likely to fall in love with him than she would be on a routine day.

Likewise, a man is more likely to fall in love with a woman when mourning a terrible loss.

The reason, in both cases, has to do with the two components of love: arousal and a label.

The two factor theory of love is a derivation of a more general theory of emotions. According to this theory, like a car in order to arrive at its destiny needs for us to start the engine and then determine its direction, to define a certain emotion we also need two things:

One (which is analogous to starting the engine) is a general state of arousal; it is similar for all strong emotions and includes such physiological responses as rapid heart beat and fast breathing.

The second (which is analogous to steering the car in a certain direction) is an emotional label that explains the arousal – love, anger, fear, jealousy.

We learn the appropriate labels for different states of arousal (which is what we are supposed to feel in different situations) from our parents, teachers, friends, the media and personal experience.

We know, for example, that we are supposed to feel delighted when a dear friend comes for a visit, but anxious when followed on a dark street even when the physiological arousal involved in the same.

Combined effect of physiological arousal and a romantic label on the experience of romantic love can be explained:

To love passionately, a person must have first be physically aroused, a condition manifested by palpitations of the heart, nervous tremor, flushing and accelerated breathing. One he is so aroused all that remains is for him to identify this complex of feelings as passionate love, and he will have experienced authentic love.

Even of the initial physical arousal is the result of an irrelevant experience .....once he has met the person, been drawn to the person, and identified the experience as love, it is love.

Many people are personally acquainted with the phenomenon of spring fever.

This wonderful love ailment strikes during the early days of string, arriving with the sun, the blossoms and the fresh air the long gloom of winter.

But, as the personal experiences suggest every major life change causes arousal. From the exciting yet anxiety-provoking change of starting school or a new job, to a change in residence, to the painful loss of a significance person, major life changes increase the like-hood off falling in love.
The Two Factor Theory of Love

“Playing Hard to Get”

noreply@blogger.com (A.Hart) — Wed, 05 Aug 2009 14:17:00 +0000

“Playing Hard to Get”
People can attempt to gain control in initial encounters by appearing less available, less interested in relationship, or more popular than their potential partners.

This has been called the principle of least interest: “That person is able to dictate the conditions of association whose interest in the continuation of the affair is least.”

But the accent is on continuation. Playing “hard to get” doesn’t seem to work very well until a relationship is already established.

Studies of a “hard to get effect” on pre-relationship behavior only showed that people like prospective partners who are selective, but not too selective, or liked people who liked the research subject., but lacked in interest in anybody else.

In initial encounters, prospective partners may already establish some control over the process by being less available or more assertive.

But they must first appear to have enough interest in the other person that a desirable relationship appears to be possible.

Without the hope and experience of satisfying times together, few people will submit for long to the intermittent reinforce of: “I really like you – but I won’t be available for awhile, because I’m too busy with other things.”
“Playing Hard to Get”

The Evolution of Love

noreply@blogger.com (A.Hart) — Sun, 21 Jun 2009 11:44:00 +0000

The Evolution of Love
Students of evolution, especially those who study the evolution of love, are faced with a not so easy dilemma of values.

Western philosophy glorifies science and the scientific way of reaching conclusions, based on the hard facts of quantification, measurement and microscopic viewing.

But the stories of evolution are not always of the kind that can be placed under a microscope, especially not those concerning the evolution of the special human traits that enable us to love.

These have not left behind fossils in some geological strata. And yet these are the very questions we so urgently want to ask and to find the answers to.

The same right we take when we suggest an evolutionary of explanation of a physical characteristic, such as an organ, a tail, an eye, or an ear, is valid when we try to find the evolutionary explanation of feeling, behavior, the brain and even consciousness and love.

The task is difficult, but those who adhere only to what can be placed under a microscope are falling into the same trap as does the drunk who searches for his lost key under the street lamp.

If the key is there, that is all well and good. But there is a big chance that the key is elsewhere, somewhere in the dark space surrounding the lamp, the drunk will do better to search there as well.

Quite probably, the keys to many evolutionary stories are still in the dark spaces, where we ought to try and look, although we might at times found ourselves telling tales that include quite a bit of speculation.

The same is true about the evolution of love. Love is one of the most intense, dramatic, powerful experiences known to humans.

It is sometimes perceived as stronger than life itself. “Love is as fierce as death” says the Songs of Songs, “Omnia Vincit Amor.”

Our thirst for love is so intense that it seems as if our entire lives are about what happens to us during the restless pursuit of love.

In discussing the evolution of love, we are obliged to make two assumptions. The first states that the talent to love and to be loved, as well as the need to seek love, is part of human genetic equipment and is passed on from parents to children via heredity.

The second states that this talents appeared somewhere along the lines of life on earth and has been undergoing changes since then by natural selection.

These changes are what brought love in humans to such intensity.
The Evolution of Love

Suggestion for People Seeking Love

noreply@blogger.com (A.Hart) — Tue, 26 May 2009 01:18:00 +0000

Suggestion for People Seeking Love
An opportunity to meet and get acquainted is almost a prerequisite for the development of a romantic relationship.

Although platonic love relationships do develop by means of letter, telephone and more recently electronic mail and can be extremely exciting and rewarding as such, most people need to meet in person before they allow themselves to fall in love.

And, when people live, work, or play in close proximity, their likelihood of meeting (and of a romantic spark getting ignited) increases.

But, meeting once is not enough. Repeated exposure is yet another requirement for a romantic spark to turn into the steady flame of a love relationship.

Meeting repeatedly, however does not guarantee love. If the first impression is negative, it is best to cut contact, let the first impression dissipate, and then give the relationship another chance.

In such a case, repeated exposure will not change the initial dislike or disdain into love but will most likely increase them.

The conclusion for people who are seeking romantic love is obvious. Try to arrange your life in such a way you have many varied opportunities to meet regularly people through your work, place of residence, or recreational activities who are likely candidates for a romantic relationship attachment.

Being involved in activities you love or could love is important not only because such activities are the most likely meeting grounds for people who are kindred spirits (and what group offers a better pool of candidates for a romantic relationship?) but also especially because such activities guarantee living more genuinely and therefore more happily.

When seeking candidates for a romantic, the encounters should offer not one-shot opportunities, the type that take place on a busy street or in a crowded bar but instead opportunities for meeting repeatedly and spending time together.

The meetings should either take a while – such as a spiritual retreat, a ski vacation, or mountain biking trip – or recur regularly as dally encounters at the cafeteria at work, next to the elevator or the mailboxes at the apartment during a year long class or a regularly scheduled athletic activity, so long as they offer repeated encounter bid deepening acquaintance.
Suggestion for People Seeking Love

Who starts communicating interest in another?

noreply@blogger.com (A.Hart) — Mon, 27 Apr 2009 00:23:00 +0000

Who starts communicating interest in another?
It is generally assumed that males usually take the initiative to start the courtship dance, while female play the receptive role.

But the truth is more complicated than that.

In contemporary colleges, male students prefer that women deliver hints about their approachability.

Both sexes declare that men and women can be equally free to initiate courtship contact.

In many situations, deciding who really initiates a courtship approach may be as difficult as sorting out the proverbial chicken and egg.

Males may resolve their anxiety over making the first direct overtures by approaching only women who have already signaled their interest nonverbally.

Researchers have coined the term “proceptivity” to describe actions that women take that indicate that they are receptive to man’s advances.

In contrast to verbal approaches, non verbal proceptive behavior (such as gestures, facial expressions, postures, etc) can mean what the viewer thinks it means or something different or nothing.

The vagueness of inexplicit signals of liking allows the signaler to plausibly deny having given them.

Thus the signaler can avoid the loss of self esteem or embarrassment that often comes with overt self-exposure or rejection.

If I’m interested in a guy, I would rather catch his eye a few times than get somebody to tell him I like him. Catching his eye just makes him think about me. I figure if he approaches me without knowing for sure how I feel, it’s more likely that he really likes me.

This disadvantage of such plausible is that the signals may be missed or misunderstood. Both men and women can overlook plausibly deniable attraction cues and the receiver’s lack of response can be misunderstood by the signaler to mean “Don’t approach me that way. I don’t want that.”

On the other extreme, men are more likely than women to misinterpret female attraction signals as a sexual “come on”

They may then orient themselves mentally for a quick sexual conquest, whole discrediting that woman’s moral character: “If she’s that blatant without wanting me, perhaps she does this all the time.”
Who starts communicating interest in another?

Casual Dating Stage

noreply@blogger.com (A.Hart) — Mon, 06 Apr 2009 13:03:00 +0000

Casual Dating Stage
We can define the casual dating period as beginning with the second planned meeting or date and ending when both partners experience themselves as being “serious” or in love.

There are two different kinds of casual dating, which are most likely to be distinguished by the time periods in which they occur.

First, during adolescent exploration, young people experiment with romantic involvements.

They may “spend time” or “mess around,” but they often end relationships suddenly because they feel awkward or just get tired of being in a relationship and want to try something or someone else.

Adolescent couples are beginning to learn about love, and the main way of distinguishing between casual and serious dating is the length of the relationship.

On the other hand in college could dating, cultural norms encourage both sexes to put off seeking a marriage partner until they have finished their studies and gotten established in their careers.

Many students also have not recovered enough emotionally from breakup of a long-term relationship during and after high school to be comfortable with a serious involvement during the early years of college.

Though they may not hold back from sex, and they may allow themselves to explore and experiment with passion and intimacy, they believe in avoiding commitments.

Adolescent exploration occurs widely in Europe and many other places, but casual dating or “going out as friends” in college is prevalent only in North America.
Casual Dating Stage

Adult: Relationship and Loneliness

noreply@blogger.com (A.Hart) — Wed, 11 Mar 2009 02:01:00 +0000

Adult: Relationship and Loneliness
As adult marry, have children and take on increasing responsibilities in their jobs, their social networks appear to shrink somewhat.

Middle-aged adults have close ties to many relatives, but they often have fewer close friends than younger adults do, perhaps because they have less time for friendship.

What about their elderly people? Do they social network deteriorate? Apparently not. Older adult especially men do, do have fewer friends, but they have about as many close relationships with relative as middle aged adult do.

Moreover, they seem to receive about as much as social support from relatives and friends as middle aged adults do.

In other words, adult’s social network do shrink some in total size from nearly adulthood to very old age, but most elderly adults still have rich social networks.

But aren’t most old people socially isolated and lonely, you ask? There is a report that fully 65% of U.S adult aged 18 to 64 believe that loneliness is a “very serious” for most old people.

Yet when elderly adults themselves were asked about their “very serious problem,” only 13% cited loneliness. Older people spend more time alone than younger adults do but it is young adults who more often report feelings of loneliness.

Perhaps young adults, because they are less secure in their relationships, are anxious when they are not with other people; perhaps elderly adults have learned that being alone need not mean lonely and can enjoy time to themselves.

Whatever reasons, we must rid ourselves of the myth that most older adults suffer from a lack of close attachments and are lonely.
Adult: Relationship and Loneliness

Where does love originate?

noreply@blogger.com (A.Hart) — Mon, 09 Feb 2009 18:17:00 +0000

Where does love originate?
Where does love originate? Does it originate form the stomach or bowels, as many in antiquity believed?

Are the poets correct that love derives from the heart? Or does it spring, as some in Hollywood have seemed to suggest, from the loins?

A growing number of voices in contemporary science suggest that the brain serves as love’s origin – or at least as its crucial sculptor.

Neurology, perhaps more than any scientific discipline, confirms that biology strongly influences our capacity to love. Love is a mind activity.

The human brain occupies the majority of the human skull, and it consists of various regions and sub-regions of cell collections.

In the last century, various neuroscientific techniques have demonstrated that each sub-region guides a person’s mental and physical activities.

Each brain cell that guides activity contains a neuron, and each neuron interacts with tens of thousands, perhaps millions of other neuron. Billions of small gaps synapses exist between neurons and between branched neural clusters that extend throughout the brain.

The electrochemical firing of tiny neurotransmitter traverses these synapses. Because of rapid neural interaction, our brains operate in ways we may never fully gaps.

Every thing form drinking coffee to calisth enics, from enjoying Mozart to memory recall, from depression to doodling on paper can stimulate brain interactions.

Research scientist at the National Institute for Mental Health, has argued that that the human brain evolved slowly into three distinct but interrelated regions. The encephalic hypothesis about love’s origin takes distinct form when supported by evolution theory.

The first evolved region of the triune brain the ‘reptilian brain’. This reptilian brain region often continues to function in comatose persons, enabling them to maintain breath and a heartbeat even after “brain death”.

What we know as human love would not be possible without the reptilian region, but the reptilian region of the triune brain in important for love mainly because it keeps us alive.

The second region of the brain to evolve – the limbic (“mammalian” or “emotional”) region – plays a power full formative role for love. This neural region is common to most mammals, and it drapes atop the reptilian.

The limbic area supports basic social activities, including vocal communication care for offspring and playful activity.

The region also supports our most basic feelings of empathy and care. While organisms possessing only a reptilian brain are to some degree social, the limbic region supports complex social activities and the highly developed love than can emerge thereby.
Where does love originate?

The Effect of Proximity on Attraction

noreply@blogger.com (A.Hart) — Wed, 14 Jan 2009 05:37:00 +0000

The Effect of Proximity on Attraction
A number of classical studies demonstrated that as the geographic distance separating potential couples decreases, the probability of their marrying each other increases.

In one of these studies, conducted in Philadelphia in the 1930s, some 5,000 marriage licenses were examines. Result shows that 12% of the potential couples lived in the same building, as evidence by the same address, when they applied for a marriage license.

An additional 33% lived a distance of five or fewer blocks from each other. The percentage of marriages decreased significantly as the geographic distance between the potential couples increased.

In another study, conducted in Columbus, Ohio in the 1950s, 431 couples who applied for marriage licenses were interviewed. It turned out that 54% of the couples were separated by a distance of 16 blocks or fewer when they first went out together, and 37% were separated by a distance of a 5 blocks or fewer.

The number pf marriages decreased as the distance increased between the couples’ places of residence.

The two most famous studies documenting the relationship between proximity and attraction were conducted in college dormitories. Because most of the students who live in dormitories have not known each other previously, a dormitory provides a good setting to study how close relationships develop.

Renowned social psychologist Leon Festinger conducted a study of the residents of married student housing on the Massachusetts Institute of Technology campus in Cambridge.

These dormitories were built in a U-shape around a central courts covered with grass. The exterior sides of the building faced the street; the central section faced the inner courtyard, Festinger’s famous conclusion was that the architect had inadvertently determined the patterns of relationships among the dwellers of these building.

Two factors appeared to exercise the greatest influence on personal relationships: the location of the apartments and the distances between them. The most important factor in determining who would be emotionally close to whom was the distance between their apartments.

The closer people lived to each other, the more likely they were to become friends. Next door neighbors were far more likely to become friends with each other than with people who lived in adjacent buildings.

As a matter of fact, it was difficult to find close friendship between people who lived more than five apartments way from each other. In more than two thirds of the cases, close friendships were between next-door neighbors.

In addition, the location of some of the apartments created more opportunities for their residents. Those residents who lived near staircase or mailboxes met more of their fellow residents and met them more often. The frequent encounters in increased the chances that these well located people would talk to others get to know them, form friendships and increase their own popularity.

On the other hand, people who lived in apartments that faced the street had no next door neighbors. As a result these residents made half the number of friends made by those who lived facing the inner court.
The Effect of Proximity on Attraction

Eye Contact

noreply@blogger.com (A.Hart) — Wed, 31 Dec 2008 11:38:00 +0000

Eye Contact
Lengths of gaze, rate of blinking and dilation of pupils all have effects on attraction between people. In America, a gaze lasting slightly longer than the cultural norm of two seconds communicates modest interest, while a longer stare takes on a predatory boldness.

In some cultures, staring curiously at strangers is allowed, while in others, anything, more than a fleeting glance is considered rude.

Since proper eye contact is strictly limited by cultural norms, how does one give out adequate visual signals violating cultural norms? The answer lies in “gaze-crossing” or “catching his eye”.

Both men and women can signal the intention to gaze by sweeping their eyes across another person’s view-field, apparently in the course of shifting their attention between two other targets of interest.

If gazing rights are culturally determined, increased blinking is a normal involuntary response to the emotional arousal which mutual gazing causes.

Some women wear mascara or artificial lashes to accentuate the blink. Since people blink faster when they are anxious, women who blink or “bat” their eyes are telegraphing that another person is arousing them. But men are not expected to blink faster when attracted, and many of them experience the anxiety associated with emotional arousal as a stumbling block in initiating relationship.

Expanding pupils are also an involuntary response, and they both induce and respond to attraction in powerful ways that are not yet fully understood.

In the middle ages women took drug belladonna to enlarge their pupils and make themselves more attractive. Dilated pupils still have the same effect. In a modern study, men compared two nearly identical photos and rated the one with artificially enlarge pupils as more attractive, though they couldn’t say why.
Eye Contact

Meaning of Love

noreply@blogger.com (A.Hart) — Mon, 22 Dec 2008 03:18:00 +0000

Meaning of Love
Figuring out what people mean when they use the word “love’ often difficult and sometimes seemingly impossible. The word is used in so many ways, and we intend it to mean so many different things. Consider the following explanations of love:

Love is a kind of warfare. - Ovid

Love is just one of many passions … and it has no great influence upon the sum of life. – Samuel Johnson

Love is never ending feeling. – Adeil Prince

Love is just another four letter word. – Tennessee Williams

Love is a smoke made with the fume of sighs. - William Shakespeare

Love kills. – Sid Vicious

Love ain’t nothing but a heartache, hits you when you’re down – Linda Ronstadt

Love means never having to say you’re sorry. – Erich Segal

Love is a perky elf dancing a merry little jig, and then he suddenly turns on you with a miniature machine gun. – Matt Groening

Despite its wide range of meanings and uses, billions of people today and throughout history deem love the ultimate ground for how they understand reality, regarding love as the key to world peace, progress and unity. Countless individual deem love the key to healing broken and painful relationships.
Meaning of Love

Healthy Love

noreply@blogger.com (A.Hart) — Wed, 10 Dec 2008 16:00:00 +0000

Healthy Love
Some have described love as the ultimate religious experience. It revels in the perpetual goodness that being in a relationship offers. Love is doing everything with a joyful heart and without trying to escape our pain. In deep love there is awe, mystery, gratitude, sorrow, rapture, ecstasy, grace, luminosity, and sacredness. The flood of emotions runs deeper than deep and more expansive than whole. Love knows no limits. The love inspired person displays a nobility of character, and his or her virtues flourish! Witness a mother’s love for her newborn, lovers in love, a person grieving the death of a beloved friend, a child reveling on the birth of kittens. When people belong, everything seems to fall in place, even in times of chaos and doubt. When intimacy is profound something inside of us says, “This is it.” True love defies al words, it is indescribable. When it is there, no words are necessary.

Hints of the idea of deep partnership love appeared at the beginning of the twelfth century, when courtly or passionate love for another, rather than being considered sinful, was viewed as love emanating form the soul. Passion meant suffering. Eros, our longing for physical union, united with agape, the universal spiritual love of our neighbor, and became amour, a profound personal love relationship. This profound feeling precedes any physical union. With amour, touch and sexuality are sacred. This experience is in complete contrast to the lover or euphoria or the lover of a sexual high. There, pleasure is the only goal. In healthy love, the senses are honored and respected as a meaningful part of the lover relationship.
Healthy Love

Definition of Love

noreply@blogger.com (A.Hart) — Mon, 24 Nov 2008 16:00:00 +0000

Definition of Love
In the Art of Loving, Erich Fromm, the German-born American psychoanalyst, says most efforts to love fail unless a person has actively tried to develop his or her individual potential and personality.

Fromm defines love as “the expression of productiveness (which) implies care, respect, responsibility and knowledge; a striving towards growth and happiness of the loved person, rooted in one’s own capacity to love.”

Concepts we often associate with healthy human loving include affection, caring, valuing, trust, acceptance, giving, joy and vulnerability. Love is a state of being that emanates from within us and extends outward. It is energy, it is unconditional, it is expansive, and it needs no specific object.
Definition of Love

People attract each other through nonverbal behavior

noreply@blogger.com (A.Hart) — Thu, 06 Nov 2008 03:15:00 +0000

People attract each other through nonverbal behavior
There are three categories of behavior that serve to attract sexual attention among people:

Announce someone presence – I’m here
Advertise one’s gender identity - I am female/male
Declare receptivity - I’m harmless and hospitable

Movement serves to announce one’s presence, since the eye is hypersensitive to motion. People will move in ways that show off their gender identity. College men will swagger, subtly flex their muscles or playfully display strength and agility, such as punching or arm wrestling during greetings, or tossing a frisbee. Women can groom themselves, toss their hair, and allow their hips to sway to show they enjoy being in their bodies. Both sexes may laugh or make exclamations that broadcast the ring of their voices and their capacity for enjoyment and pleasure.

In addition to attracting attention and advertising gender, one’s behavior must also assure onlookers that one is harmless and hospitable to approach. Lifting or shrugging shoulders, tilting the head to one side, toeing in slightly, leaning forward slightly, and relaxed positions or uncrossed limbs are all subliminal postural signals inviting others to approach. Shrugging, tilting, and pigeon-toeing are all remnants of the protective startle reflex which can be easily seen in young children confronting a stranger. With these actions our brain unconsciously communicates that we are struck or startled by the other and therefore closer to fright than aggression.

By broadcasting that we are reacting more like a child than a predator, we may stimulate caring and protective reactions in the onlookers, or invite him or her to approach and capitalize on his or her superiority. Women and subordinates shrug, tilt, and toe in more than men and bosses, and are frequently seen tilting or gazing down or away in magazines ads. But both sexes do it in attraction scenes.
People attract each other through nonverbal behavior

The Art of Love

noreply@blogger.com (A.Hart) — Sat, 25 Oct 2008 05:55:00 +0000

The Art of Love
Throughout history people have tried to understand and control the mysteries of love with the magic potions, spells, prayers and the powers of witches and sorcerers. This is not surprising, given the fact that for most people, falling in love constitutes one of the most emotionally intense, exhilarating, exciting, and significant of life’s experiences.

The expert describes falling in love as divine madness that is akin to the experience of mystical vision. Falling in love is a thing that strikes like lightning and is, therefore, extremely analogous to the mystical vision. Not really know how people obtain the experiences and there is not as yet as clear rational as to why it happens.

Even after many years, couple can describe in great detail how they fell in love with each other. Occasionally, but it’s rare, their love is at first sight; a little more frequently it springs from a long friendship. At times it’s the beloved’s look that sparks the romantic attraction, at other times it’s wonderful and endearing quality, or a deeply moving, shared experience. The infatuation may evolve into a rewarding, committed love, or end in a destructive and painful relationship, or it may just fizzle out. These last cases make us wonder. Since there was obviously nothing there to love, what was it that made me fall in love with this person? The inevitable conclusion is I was blinded by love. Like the Romans who believed that Cupid, naughty angle, arbitrarily shot his love arrows at his unsuspecting victims, so too do many of us believe in the arbitrariness of love.
The Art of Love

Desirable Characteristics of Love

noreply@blogger.com (A.Hart) — Sat, 20 Sep 2008 07:53:00 +0000

Desirable Characteristics of Love
Height and Weight
Research confirms that being overweight has a negative effect on both perceived and self perceived attractiveness for woman, much more so than for men. There is also attractiveness bias associated with height, with tall men and short women having more frequent dates than short men and tall women. Both sexes normally prefer that a man be taller than his date. Nevertheless, research indicates that good looks probably do not lead to more marital satisfaction or happier life.

Once they find him personally attractive, American women look for success potential in a man, typically seeking “a strong personality who is going places’. This attitude continues even though women are now free to seek success through their own careers and develop more ego strength of their own rather than just seeking success and strength in their partner. In addition, women may look for physical attractiveness as a desire factor and social status symbol in ways very similar to men, even if they prefer not to mention it.

Similarity and Liking
Numerous research projects demonstrated that students consider similarity of characteristics and attitudes important when they have no contact with a prospective romantic interest. But when people do meet, projecting liking through smiling, eye contact, leaning forward and appearing interested, can completely overshadow the negative effect that concrete dissimilarities normally have.

Furthermore, in a study of students’ accounts of falling in love, being like by the other person appeared in 90% of the stories far more than any other factors. Perhaps similarity is comparatively unimportant in partners’ account of their attraction because locating similar attitudes serves as an initial way determining the field of eligibles in and melting pot of ethic, cultural and attitudinal diversity.
Desirable Characteristics of Love

Physical Attractiveness

noreply@blogger.com (A.Hart) — Fri, 05 Sep 2008 04:50:00 +0000

Physical Attractiveness
At first glance, more attractiveness people are more likely to be viewed as sexy, warm, sensitive, kind, modest and competent. A cross-cultural study of thirty three cultures indicates that all over the world, physical appearance is more likely to be mentioned as attracting factors by men, while women are more likely to notice a man’s financial prospects and ambition or industriousness.

It is not simple. In one study in 1989, both men and women ranked the personality characteristics “kind understanding” and “intelligent” higher than either “earning power” or “attractiveness.” Research differs on whether men’s earning power and women’s attractiveness is considered before other personality factors have been verified. Little research has been done in the perception of “kind understanding” and “intelligent”. But “personality” may be more important than looks in mate choice, and “agreeableness” or prosocial attitudes may be sometimes more desirable in a man than social dominance.

Unusual physical attractiveness can be handicap as well as a benefit. Extremely attractive people are besieged by sexual advances that press against social normal, and societal attitudes toward the very handsome and a beautiful are influenced by discomfort, irritation and competitiveness. Men admitted being afraid to court a strikingly beautiful woman because they assume that every other man would desire her too. Therefore, women in the echelon of attractiveness may have to initiate relationships with less attractive partners and frequently prove their loyalty.
Physical Attractiveness

The Power of Flowers

noreply@blogger.com (A.Hart) — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 09:23:00 +0000

The Power of Flowers
Many fail to realize the power flowers have on our emotional well being. Flowers overwhelm our senses with exotic fragrances and beauty. They play on our need for belonging, attention and attraction and most of all; flowers remind us that we are somehow “special” to someone.

So why do so many people underestimate the simple sentiment of flowers?

Reasons people give for not sending flowers are that they do not know where to start and that not everyone appreciates flowers, especially men.

Locating a florist near you is simple. By searching through your local phone directory or by doing an Internet search for Florists you can easily access an extensive directory of florists that should be able to accommodate deliveries in your area, nation and world wide.

Locating a florist near you, that is suited to your needs, however, may be a little more difficult. Asking a florist if they have an active database that they use for their clients is always a helpful hint. Active databases store vital information about customer, such as past purchases, delivery information, preferences and needs and “special dates to remember”.

In addition, ask if the florist performs a client profile survey. This type of survey informs the florist of upcoming special occasions for each of their customer’s data via the database. Many of times, I myself have been “reminded” of my anniversary by my personal florist through a personal phone call or by a mailer. This act alone is one of the best indicators as to how good a florist’s customer service is.

Choosing the right flowers can also be quite simple. If a client survey is performed and an active database is utilized a professional florist should easily be able to determine if a bouquet of Daisies is appropriate for your occasion or if the arrangement calls for something more sophisticated. If you are still uncertain, it is also helpful to visit the florist’s show room. This will enable you to better visualize the type of selection that will best convey your sentiment.

However, things to consider when sending a man flowers are his personal style, office décor, and personal hobbies. Most professional florists try to integrate this knowledge into the design and flower selection of the arrangement. For example; if the man you are sending flowers to is a golfer, your personal florist may want to add golf balls or tees to the arrangement. Men are also stimulated by color and are visually oriented, so it may be a good idea for the florist to use bright vivid colors as well.

Just as women love receiving flowers, it turns out, men do too. A survey, conducted by the Society of American Florists, showed that over 60% of men responded in favor of receiving flowers on special occasions and holidays, particularly Valentine’s Day.

As the need to exhibit personal gratitude, love, appreciation, and concern grows in our emotionally intellectual society it has never been a better time for people to stop and send some flowers.
The Power of Flowers
By David Skul
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com

Do You Know the Best Age to Marry?

noreply@blogger.com (A.Hart) — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 23:37:00 +0000

Do You Know the Best Age to Marry?
While there is no magical age to get married, one is almost always better off waiting to get married, for lots of good reasons.

First, the divorce rate has been hovering at 50% for years, and is much higher the younger you get married. Teenage or early adult marriages have a divorce rate of 75%-85%, and surveys show that the older the female is at the time of her first marriage, the longer the marriage lasts.

If you were boarding on a plane with a 50% chance of crashing, would you get on?

The reason for the high divorce rate, particularly among teens/early adults, is simple: From a basic developmental perspective, peoples' needs and goals change over time, and at age 30 you will be a much different person than you were at 18 or 21. Also, studies indicate that the purely chemical "butterflies in the tummy" feeling one gets when in love only lasts between two to six months, if you’re lucky. In other words, it doesn't last, so perhaps it's best to be with your current love without making things more complex by getting married.

Also, while there is no perfect way to determine the potential stability of a given marriage, the following questions are vital prior to considering such a huge life change.

Prior to getting married, one has to be mature enough to realize:

Love is not enough; the stresses of a young couple are real, and the struggle for decent jobs, housing, and health insurance are real stresses that can destroy any couple. Why rush to take on difficult adult responsibilities?

Consider your own needs, goals, and relationship requirements. Does your partner satisfy them? It is rare for a teenage or young adult to have enough life experience to know what they really want.

You must be totally emotionally, physically and financially independent from your parents. Healthy marriages require two independent individuals to make a complete whole. Young couples typically marry to get away from their parents or a negative home environment, but there are other ways to cope.

Relationships need time to see if behavior patterns are consistently healthy. So ask, how long has this union been happy and healthy?

Get to know yourself. What do you want in life? What do you wish to contribute to the world and how? Live purposefully, and then you'll meet others with similar world views and life visions.

Do You Know the Best Age to Marry?
By: Emily Kensington

Adult Social Network

noreply@blogger.com (A.Hart) — Thu, 12 Jun 2008 06:36:00 +0000

Adult Social Network
Whom do adults interact with and how socially active are they? For most adults, a marriage partner becomes central part of the social landscape, and interactions with one’s children soon become important as well. Adults also maintain close relationships with their parents and other relatives. Moreover, most adults enjoy many nonfamily ties. They have close friends, associate closely with colleagues and coworkers, and often become members of “peer groups” devoted to such activities as poker, softball, car pooling, or child abuse.

Do the social networks of younger and older adults differ? Young adults are busily forming romantic relationships and friendships with both men and women, typically choosing to associate with people who similar the in important ways, just as children and adolescents do. Young singles seem to have more ties to friends and fewer to family than older and married adults do. Young adults derive great pleasure from their social ties, but they are also more likely than older adults to express concern about their relationships or to wish they had more of them.
Adult Social Network

Secret for Getting Noticed

noreply@blogger.com (A.Hart) — Thu, 08 May 2008 22:53:00 +0000

Secret for Getting Noticed
Chances are that you have had a wide variety of experiences in your quest for meeting singles. These can range from an event that yields several nice interactions and at least one offer to get together for a date, to going home feeling frustrated and convinced you are destined to be a dating failure.

The following are tips for helping to present the best to others. It's always helpful to ask friends to weigh in with their observations.

1. Present yourself as confident and in possession of a healthy self-esteem.
In general, people are attracted to those who appear confident and who feel good about themselves. If you feel desirable and sexy, it makes sense that others will too. If low self-esteem is a problem for you, this should be the first area you work on in yourself. It is not necessary to have over the top confidence, just a sense that you are someone that has a lot of positives to offer others. Do some reading, take a class that teaches assertiveness and/or practice daily affirmations. Remember also that when you treat yourself with respect and adhere to healthy boundaries with others, you will foster a healthy sense of self.

2.Be Yourself NEVER try to be someone you are not.
Trying to be cool, aggressive, (etc.), generally just makes you awkward and unapproachable. Relax, be natural, be the you that your friend and others who know and like you, see and appreciate. Think back to the times you have witnessed someone "acting" in a social situation, and the general reaction of those around them. Then think about the people you know who are good at meeting others. These are the people who present their true (best) side.

3. Smile and Show Enthusiasm.
Have an open and inviting expression. Make good eye contact. People are drawn to others like this. Let that attractive stranger know you are open to meeting them and happy to be there. If they have an interest back, this will pave the way for a first interaction. If you don't feel like smiling it may be a good idea to sit this one out at home with a movie or a good book or a low-key get together with a good friend.

4. Present Your Best Appearance
Always make your best effort in your grooming and choice of clothing. Attractive is just that. This also includes presenting an attractive personality. Be friendly, not pushy. Be open, not indiscreet. Have opinions, don't be a know-it-all. Always remember to consider others' feelings and needs. These interactions are not just about you.

5. Have Some Good Openings Lines Available
Hint: Natural conversation is best. Some possible ones to consider:
*Do you know so and so?
*I noticed you were enjoying the music a lot, isn't this a great band?
*Your drink looks good- what is it?

Remember that there are no rules anymore about who goes first. If you see someone who interests you, go for it. Just remember that they may not return your feelings. Then you move away gracefully, look around for someone else that attracts you, and make an overture towards them. Also remember that rejection is part of the process. If you let the fear keep you from taking that first step, you will greatly lessen your chances of meeting and connecting with compatible singles.
Source: http://ezinearticles.com
Secret for Getting Noticed