Wednesday, August 05, 2009

“Playing Hard to Get”

“Playing Hard to Get”
People can attempt to gain control in initial encounters by appearing less available, less interested in relationship, or more popular than their potential partners.

This has been called the principle of least interest: “That person is able to dictate the conditions of association whose interest in the continuation of the affair is least.”

But the accent is on continuation. Playing “hard to get” doesn’t seem to work very well until a relationship is already established.

Studies of a “hard to get effect” on pre-relationship behavior only showed that people like prospective partners who are selective, but not too selective, or liked people who liked the research subject., but lacked in interest in anybody else.

In initial encounters, prospective partners may already establish some control over the process by being less available or more assertive.

But they must first appear to have enough interest in the other person that a desirable relationship appears to be possible.

Without the hope and experience of satisfying times together, few people will submit for long to the intermittent reinforce of: “I really like you – but I won’t be available for awhile, because I’m too busy with other things.”
“Playing Hard to Get”

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